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Best.Joke.Ever

The following joke is copied from Andrew Sullivan’s blog.

My All Time Favorite Joke

by Conor Friedersdorf

A man walks into a bar.

He wears a charcoal gray suit, a charcoal hat, charcoal socks, black leather shoes, and a silver Porsche watch on the wrist of the hand that carries a rather large briefcase, which he carefully sets down before straddling a stool and addressing the bartender.

“A Knob Creek Manhattan, up,” the man says.

“Sure thing, buddy.”

As the bartender turns his back to mix the drink, the contents of the briefcase are emptied, and when he returns, serving the drink on a square napkin, he sees spread out on the shiny wooden bar top a miniature piano, a tiny piano stool to scale, and atop it a little man, 12 inches tall, playing faint music that sounds like Brahms’ Piano Concerto 2 in B flat major.

“Well I’ll be damned,” the bartender says. “Where did you get a little guy like that?” He hunches over to scrutinize the musician more closely. “Look at those long, tiny fingers!”

The man, having gulped half his drink, says nothing, but the bartender presses him, and finally he erupts. “It’s a long story,” the man says. “But it all started with this magic lamp.” At this he reaches back into the briefcase, produces in his diminutive hands a small, golden lamp, and shoves it toward the bartender, who yanks the towel from his waist and begins polishing.

POOOF!

When the smoke clears, a genie is revealed hovering in the air between the man and the bartender. “You’ve got one wish,” the genie demands. “Use it or lose it.”

The bartender stammers. “I’ll be,” he says, feeling rushed. “Well I guess I wish for… I wish for… I wish for $10 million bucks!”

POOOF!

The genie is gone.

The bar is quiet, except for the faint sound of Brahms rising from the bar top, and the bartender, regaining his composure, starts to worry.

“Hey, what about my wish,” he says. “Nothing happened.”

But that very moment, over at the open door, a fluttering is heard, and then a quack, and in waddles a duck, followed by a second duck, and a third — and soon the bar is filling with a badelynge, a bunch, a brace, a grouse, a whole flock of quacking mallards. They stream in without end.

“Now wait just a minute,” the bartender cries. “I see what’s happening here! I didn’t wish for a million ducks! I wished for a million bucks!”

The man, world weary, sighs knowingly.

“Do you think,” he said, “that I wished for a twelve inch pianist?”

This is just something funny we saw on Eric Durchholz's site

Eric Durcholz is brilliant. Here is an interview.

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BBQ at the Blue Moon

Today is the first poolside BBQ of the season at the Blue Moon Resort.

A Las Vegas tradition continues with FREE Sunday BBQ at Blue Moon. Burgers, Dogs, BBQ Chicken, Sausages, Salads, Chips and Salsa. Food is served at 12:00 and is served until its gone – usually around 2:00 pm – Crowded until 5 or 6.

The Blue Moon is our local gay resort. You won’t mistake if for the Wynn, it’s not enormous. But it is clothing optional Besides the nice pool, there’s a waterfall, a Jacuzzi, a steam room. It’s a very nice place to spend a Sunday afternoon, or any afternoon when the weather is as fine as it is today. Day passes are available.

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Shower Time at the Penitentiary

This sort of reminds us of the tv show Oz…

…only not exactly.

It’s about a young man (twink, actually) who appears newly-arrived at prison, and is nervous about taking a shower with the other inmates.

See what happens…

Here’s a bonus video – drastically out-of-season but still fun:

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The Next Generation of Porn

The Daily Beast has an article today about the 3-D Porn Revolution

“It was just a matter of time before the Avatar-technologies that set Hollywood all aflutter – and that are similarly exciting the makers of next-generation televisions-reached the adult-film world. (Think about it: What genre should benefit most from 3-D’s ability to bring the viewer closer to the action on the screen?)…”

“Amid the current surge to provide enough content to convince folks to fork over thousands of dollars for 3-D televisions, much of the talk has been about the dozens of 3-D feature films set for release and sports events like the 2010 World Cup, which will be broadcast in 3-D, but it is worth remembering that pornography has already proven itself as a driver of technological adaptation. A generation ago, the porn industry tipped the balance in favor of VHS video, undercutting Betamax tapes, and Hollywood soon followed suit.”

“And that’s not to mention its role on the Internet, which led to the mainstreaming of professional and amateur pornography. How mainstream could 3-D porn actually get? Prominent directors including Gaspar Noé, who directed the disturbing and controversial French film Irréversible, Tinto Brass, of Caligula fame, and Quentin Tarantino have all publicly mused about making 3-D porn films. (Brass has hinted that he wants to remake the X-rated Caligula-which starred Helen Mirren, John Gielgud and Peter O’Toole in 1979-and which was inspired by Gore Vidal’s script.)”

Read full article: 3-D Porn Revolution

That all sounds very nice, but we can’t help thinking if you want a 3-D show then simply phone two call boys and be done with it!

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Japan Penis Festival

Why didn’t Las Vegas think of this first? I guess because the Japanese have been doing them since long before there was a Las Vegas, or even a USA.

KOMAKI, Japan – It’s springtime in Japan and that means one thing.

Actually, two things. Penis festivals and vagina festivals.

It may sound like a sophomoric gag. But these are folk rites going back at least 1,500 years, into Japan’s agricultural past. They’re held to ensure a good harvest and promote baby-making.
…Meanwhile, the festivals provide an economic shot in the arm for host cities, a party for foreign tourists and expats, and a chance for locals to let loose, too.

One of the best-known penis festivals is at Komaki City’s Tagata shrine, about 45 minutes outside Nagoya, every March 15.

…The penis festival the following day drew far more foreign and Japanese tourists – some 100,000, according to a festival brochure. Festival foreplay included much posing with wooden and candy penises. The main event is the parading of a two-foot by six-and-a-half foot long phallus carved from Japanese cypress.

Las Vegas could use one of these! We can hardly wait for the day they parade one of these things down the Las Vegas Strip.

Read the Full Article